In my last blog I posted about some of the ways in which geese and ducks behave which is truly a marvel. In response to that posting I received the following information from my beloved brother-in-law who grew up watching geese. He wrote, “Did you know they mate for life? They return to the same place each year to nest. If a predator gets to the eggs, the hen will often lay more. Both parents tend to the goslings and stay with them until they can fend for themselves. God's plan for perpetuating the species. As often will happens in the wild, one of the pair may perish. Though mating for life, this doesn't mean the survivor doesn't mate again. On the contrary, they find new mates and continue life as it is meant to be. Isn't nature wonderful? Now, you probably already knew all of this nature stuff, but just in case you didn't, now you do. If nothing else, it was my inept attempt to say, "Isn't God's plan wonderful."
I know that certain species of animals’ mate for life, but did not realize that geese were in that grouping.
As I read this, I realized how close this topic is to me and is something I have been thinking about lately. It goes something like this:
When I was a teenager and beginning to think about my future, I envisioned getting married, having a family. I wanted, desired, a long marriage like that of my paternal grandparents, my parents, and my aunts and uncles. That is a perfectly normal dream, right?
Soulmate #1: I got married when I was twenty-two and started on the journey of that dream. I had two children, and as the years went on, the relationship I had with my husband was becoming stronger and my marriage was right where I wanted it to be. And then…. Disaster happened. My husband, Mike, was killed in an accident about six months after our twentieth anniversary.
Okay – I was only forty-three at the time, so there would still be time to have a long marriage, although maybe not the fifty I had anticipated.
When a goose loses a mate, they survive and maybe find another mate. And so, too, would I.
Soulmate #2: Many people believe there is only one person on this earth that is meant to be their match. I do believe that is the truth for many people out there. But what happens when you lose a mate? Are you destined to be alone the rest of your life? Or is there a chance you could still find another soulmate? For me, soulmate #2 came right on the heels of #1.
We were a good match, he had some strengths that I needed to lean on and the same was true in reverse. Over the course of our marriage, we had a lot of challenges, most of them not because of our own lives but because of the need to care for others. When George was diagnosed with terminal cancer twelve years after our wedding, the prognosis was poor and I had to come to terms with the fact we might not even make it to our fifteenth anniversary.
How could this happen to me? All I wanted was a good LONG marriage – I envied those around me who’s 20-, 30- and 40-year anniversaries were coming up. Where was my “happily ever after”? George passed just 10 days before our 17th anniversary. I would joke that “if you add 20 and 17 together you get 37 years of marriage”. Underneath the joking was the sense of failure, of not achieving the one thing I had always envisioned for myself.
After George died, I was determined to carve out a life for myself that did not involve having a man in it. I had learned a lot from both of my husbands and was also financially solvent because of them. I moved away from the area I had called home for 42 years, bought a house and made it into my dream home. I had no intention of dating or looking for a husband. I used to tell George I wouldn’t marry again because I will have buried two husbands. I have learned, however, that one never tells God “Never” because God just laughs. I revised my statement to, “I am not going to be out looking for another man to be part of my life. If anything happens, it must happen ‘organically’, naturally – and not because someone was trying to play matchmaker, that sort of thing.
Low and behold, when least expected, Soulmate #3 made an appearance. He showed up when I wasn’t looking, and everything just ‘magically’ fell into place. I must admit that I had to think long and hard before determining whether or not I would jump into a relationship. Because of our ages, this relationship is likely not going to last twenty years. It could, but the odds are low. He is older than me by more than a few years and the chances are he will pass before me. Truth be told, we do not know God’s plan and I could just as easily go before him. There are no guarantees in life. Throwing caution to the wind, I began my life with Ron as a partner.
While what I WANTED was to have one soulmate for my entire adult life, that just was not to be in my cards.
Instead, what I RECEIVED was the opportunity to find a soulmate that matched where I was in my life at the time, someone who walked beside me for a specified period of time. Each one met me where I was and we grew together, for each other and with each other. When our time was up, I was often in a better place than when we started our journey together. God had a plan for me and for us. He still does.
I had a psychic medium reading done a few years back and was told that “you had to be with husband number one to get to husband number two”. It was all part of the plan, the bigger picture. There is truth to that. I am sure if I had a reading today, I would learn that husbands one and two had something to do with meeting soulmate number three.
I am still hesitant to commit to a marriage for a few reasons. In the meantime, I am having such fun being in a relationship where we both have so much in common, where we both want to just pamper ourselves and travel and hang out together.
Indeed, when I read the note from my brother-in-law, “Though mating for life, this doesn't mean the survivor doesn't mate again. On the contrary, they find new mates and continue life as it is meant to be. Isn't nature wonderful? Now, you probably already knew all of this nature stuff, but just in case you didn't, now you do. If nothing else, it was my inept attempt to say, "Isn't God's plan wonderful.", I have to say that God’s plan can, indeed, be wonderful. We just need to be open to the possibilities that are put in front of us. While I may always carry with me a certain sadness because of the losses of my life partners, I count myself so lucky to have found three soulmates in my lifetime. Not everyone is open to the idea, or may not have this opportunity, but it truly is something to behold when it happens.
